Mother's Day and why we don't have our son yet...

Yesterday was an especially difficult day for me...it was Mother's day and although we have been trying very hard to get our son home, he is not here. We are so close, I can almost smell his sweet head as I imagine holding him in my arms. Just writing this has given me the familiar stomach ache and tears are flowing...how on earth can I love and miss someone that I have never met? I believe with all my heart that the Lord has led us to our son, but cannot for the life of me figure out WHY he is being kept from us. Our little boy needs us...he needs us to get him home, to show him that he has worth, to give him the chance that he will not have if he remains where he is...to be a little boy, to go to school, to have a loving family. WHY is this not happening? I'll tell you why...

This may be a mistake, writing what I am about to write here. I don't know who reads this blog...if you Google my name, it will lead you here, so anyone could be reading...just to be nosy, just to start trouble. I have never said much on this blog for this reason, but I don't care any more. I need to get this out, and I have nowhere else to put it...and maybe, just maybe, the person preventing us from getting our Tanner will see it or hear about it and his heart will be changed.

First, let me say that we have had many hurdles to overcome when it came to this adoption. Many that I did not even mention on this blog. We are private people, and really do not believe in sharing every detail of our lives with anyone. I digress. Just to mention a few things if you have not read here before...illness...much, much illness. Both hubby and I hospitalized in December and hubby diagnosed with two serious illnesses. One of those is pretty much resolved, the other could cause problems in the future. Mine is of the chronic type, but is mangeable with lifestyle changes, which I have made, and might flare up from time to time. Another huge obstacle has been injury. Injuries to hubby at work and in a car accident that happened a couple of years ago, that has just come to light at this time. Some months ago, hubby FRACTURED HIS HIP at work. Yes. He returned to work BEFORE he was completely healed in order for us to be able to complete the adoption. You know, because we just don't have thousands of dollars lying around and I am not working right now. So, now, months later, he still has pain in his hip, because he did not give it enough time to heal. Now, he is out of work again due to an ankle injury that we think happened in a car accident 4 years ago. In that accident, he suffered a head injury. He was so focused on dealing with that, he really didn't pay much attention to the little pain in his foot/ankle. Now, after walking on it, working, and doing everything else that we do, he cannot walk without pain/limp any longer. Tests show that he has blown the tendons and ligaments in the inner ankle and needs surgery to FUSE HIS ANKLE TO HIS FOOT. This will leave him with no lateral (side to side) movement in that foot, and does not guarantee that he will walk without pain. The recovery time for this surgery is very long...therefore, he must now wait until AFTER we go to Eastern Europe to get Tanner...and limp around in pain the whole while we are there. So, there is just SOME of it...

Now for the REAL reason we do not have our Tanner home yet...we are in need of ONE document (actually two, but the other is being worked on and we WILL have it, we JUST found out that we needed it). This document is copy of our home lease. (Our house is in hubby's step father's name and we pay him) We don't HAVE an actual lease agreement, c'mon its FAMILY. Well, he doesn't agree with our plans to adopt Tanner, so he is being nasty and withholding this document because he now knows that we are so close to submitting our dossier to Tanner's country, keeping this document from us is the only way he can keep us from completing the adoption. I just cannot believe he is doing this! Keeping an innocent little boy from a home and family because he does not think we should be doing this. He does have reasons, but they are all ridiculous. He thinks that kids with Ds lay in cribs and drool all thier lives...then he read about the boy being sent back to Russia and thinks that Tanner will stab us in our sleep...stupid shit like that. So, which is it, will he be a vegatable, or a psychopath? Mind you, we have not asked for any support from him, monetary, or otherwise... but his "thing" is control, and this is his way of controlling us, as he has no other way of doing that...so here we are.

I don't know why I wrote all of this, guess I just needed to get it out. The powers that be (RR) have some idea what we have been dealing with here, but they seem to think we can get it together by the end of the week. Don't think that's going to happen...so, although we have done everything they have asked us to, we may lose our son, before we even meet him, after a year-long battle to save him.

My. heart. is. breaking.